Clings To My Eyelashes,

Snow.
Innocent, yet so fickle and deadly.
This element is naturally peaceful to me.


I couldn't go to college, so as normal, only when it snows, I went for a long walk throughout Perranwell/Perran-ar-worthal. The main road was gridlocked and so many a time I thought in an instant, a car or van would run me down, if they hit any unexpected ice.
My Auntie got stuck on Cove Hill, which amused me, Pampa got his Tractor out, to tow her home.
Recently I haven't been as happy as I ought to be, and I think even more now it is showing.
I have been lonely, constantly thinking that there must be something wrong with me. I think mainly it is the lack of love that I am suffering from, that the people I would constantly rely on to keep me above depression, to keep me laughing, are occupied with others, or simply that miles seperate us, so that it will take weeks for them to even remember to see me.
The snow, no matter how beautiful it may be as I look at it, as it clings to my eyelashes it takes me more than a moment to realise that what I am gazing upon is how I feel inside. The driving cold that clenches my insides, prevents warmth to even inhabit the smallest features upon my frozen face. How it takes me so much effort to even smile at anyone I love, something that was once my redeeming feature.
Even at work now, I can feel a pressure of how people in general make me feel, to patronise and humiliate me, to make feel so small, like I am nothing, something that I endure endlessly at home.
Yet this white, pure element despite how it has always throughout years of me growing up, seperated me from the friends that I yern to share this gift with, I adore it.


I would rather feel the biting cold than feel a searing heat upon my naked skin.
To be honest I would move Christmas according to when it snowed, so much more unexpected. That way we would have a white Christmas for once.



























Then again who needs Jesus when we've got snow???