What is wrong with me????

I have this weakness inside me, that cannot be consumed by reality. I fantasize inside in the innards of my mind. The way things should be and shouldn't be.

I want to be different, to have something special that only a few can see. 

I want to be loved, yet a run away from it.

I want a family and yet I would rather not have one.

I want to cry when I am happy.

I want to be perfect and then imperfect,

I want to tear out my hair when I should laugh,

I would by choice have someone else's life instead of my own.

I crave what I shouldn't, and give in to hope so easily, that I am disappointed.

Then when I get what I desire, it is not good enough.

I want to be better than human and yet I give in to humanity,

I want to be thoughtless and selfless and yet I worry too much and I am selfish always.

People think I am caring, kind and pretty and yet what are those qualities if I cannot find someone I want?

I live a lie always.

I would rather be ugly and loved than reasonably pretty and abandoned.

I am attention seeking.

I am a bad person, yet others cannot see it.

I am living a lie.

 What is wrong with me??