There is never a day, when I don't want to punch a wall or cry, about my family, I think that is often the case with many teenagers, but in mine, it is normally, because of my Dad.
Today, I have seen him the happiest he has been in ages, all because his goose eggs selling in the village shop has been a hit. Only seen him twice for less than a minute today.
It breaks my heart, how he cant tell me anything. I have so many questions in my head about what happened when I was little. When I was living with my mother. Then I find out a few months ago, by pure chance, that my dad and my mother had been married.
I have tried to avoid saying this to myself for months, I couldn't admit it properly to anyone.
Because if he and my mother had been married, then that man, that made my life a torment, that influenced my mother, and abused me, would have been him.
This also in a way, explains why he lived at the farm, at one point when I was living with her.
Had they just got married because I had been conceived? Had it then fell apart and they split up leaving me with my mother? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick, and that man, turned up after they had split up?
I am so confused. I want to know what happened when I was little and yet I cant ask anyone. Me and my dad, we don't have close relationship, and my mother....well I haven't spoken to her in about 5 months..and to be honest I am not bothered.
But yet again in a weeks time it will be Mothers Day, the day that always reminds me, how I don't have a mother, and how I wish I did. A proper one.
The fact I do not have proper parents will always leave an open wound, no matter how much I try and act as though I don't really care. And no matter how much other people try to mother me.
Once again I am being a little depressing.
I am a mess up = Fact.
No comments:
Post a Comment