Jealousy is my deadly sin.

This is what fuels nearly every moment of every day.

I am jealous of my friends.

How can I be free if I am crippled by jealousy?

I want to fly, be free, be blown away.

I do not want to be weighed down by others, no matter how much I wish to be.

I want you to actually miss me, but I fear the more that I detach myself from you, in order for you to need me, you will cling on tighter to him, and realise you don't need me anymore. Because everything you ever wanted is in that one person.

I am just the link to your past.

When I leave to uni to Madagascar, abroad, a question spurs to mind.

Will you even notice I have gone?

I will leave behind every petty luxury, I will experience more I could ever dream of.

I know that with me leaving this country, I will leave behind my jealousy and spread my wings.

I will be able to breath in the air of a new world, and set my mind to work.

Not care that I am being pushed away for someone else.

Because you wont be able to push me away.

Again I fear when I get back a silence may cripple us.

You don't tell me enough at the moment, when our friendship should be strongest.

What happens when I come back?

When I write letters to you will you reply?

Will you want to?

Why do I always think like this?

Why dont we talk?

Why am I crying?

Please reassure me.

Open up, like you open up to him.

I fucking love you, for fucks sake.

I'm supposed to be your best friend, your sister.

Just because I love you doesn't mean I cant hate you as well.

I'm sorry.