Our Bull

When he came as a young calf, we had got him from the market, we thought when the older Bull died he would be able to replace him.
He was fine when he was younger, we could deal with him. But as he got bigger he got more and more unpredictable and dangerous. So dangerous in fact we had to keep him in all of the time.

Hes now an adult, but he still could kill my grandpa or my dad, so he is still housed in. The older Bull has died and we cant keep putting my grandpa and dad in danger, in close approximity with this Bull. He is dangerous when he is let out let alone when he is in.

It has alway broken my heart to see him in the house all the time, never able to feel free. He doesnt know anyting different.
It makes me feel guilty that Im scared of him. I try not to be, I try to speak to him, to sooth him when I see him, but hes just so him. Its not his fault, I think he wasnt tamed enough as a calf, or that might be just his personality.

I looked in on him today, he was sitting in his muck, we cant muck him out as often as we'd like because of how dangerous he can be. As I looked at him, there was such sadness in his eyes, something not quite right. He did not try to get up, and as I looked I saw his feet. His hooved were over grown...a factor that we cant overcome as we'd actually have sedate him to clip them.

I know you are wondering now why we even bother to keep him..surely death would be a better preference to this way of life for him. The truth is we need him to sire our herd. To keep our lively hood going.

However we do feel guilty and the last few years we are raising another Bull, one of our own, to hopefully make tame enough to be in contact with , and not fear him like we do with the other.  To not make the same mistake.

It was a 50/50 chance that the  Bull would be tame enough, calm enough to be able to handle. Im afraid that we had bad luck, for both him and us.

I will never stop loving him despite this.

It kills me everyday.