Beryl Ann Terrill's Funeral

Today at 10:30 I went to my grandmother's funeral. My Auntie went with me, for support. Arrived at Penmount Crematorium in good time, and made our way into the house. Its basically an old manor house converted into a crematorium. Quite pretty really, and in my opinion a bit depressing that a building like that is now used for funerals.
The moment I walked in to the lobby area/waiting area I knew I didn't want to be there. Lots of elderly people, one youngish man, none of the people I knew apart from Glyn but we didnt see him till the end of the service. My mother greeted me, it was unbelievably awkward heightened by the fact that my Auntie has told me everything that she did when I was little. Everything she knew anyway. My mother was talking to people saying "I was her daughter" and they would reply "oh how pretty she is, what a credit she is to you" I hate that kind of stuff, it makes me want to curl up somewhere and hide. Plus the fact I'm not a "credit" to her, since she didn't bring me up, nor do I want to be. She grabbed hold of my hand at one point, I just pulled my hand away. She then told me to follow her and her German friend into the area where the service was being held. I grabbed my Auntie's arm and dragged her in with me.
Sat at the front of the service, next to my mother on my left, Auntie Beth on my right. The coffin was then brought in, really small I thought, but then again, elderly people do get really thin.
There was a man there, a vicar I think of Mrs Terrill's Church she regularly went to, he read her life to us. Quite interesting really. No mention of me in it whats so ever, my mother yes, but not me. Seems ironic when in the last Funeral I went to, my great granny's, how I was mentioned in that reading when I was as close to her as Mrs Terrill, which is not much. But never mind. Felix was mentioned! Yep, the cat was mentioned but not the granddaughter. Then again, Felix is lovely, and she loved him to bits.
Sang a few songs, one being, as always "All things bright and beautiful" He read a few things in the bible and then made it clear that Mrs Terrill because she believed in Jesus was going to Heaven and those who dont are going to Hell. This amused me quite a bit.
Then near the end, the vicar  said "family members who want to say goodbye to Beryl can" I didn't want to, its bad enough seeing the coffin from a couple of metres away, let alone being right up next to it. And what was I supposed to do? Stare at it for a bit? Mother grabbed my arm and made me go up with her, I could feel myself getting more and more distressed. I just wanted to get out. The moment she turned to go, with me following her was such a relief, Auntie Beth appeared beside me. Then this other man goes "Now the family members can go and say goodbye to those who came" my mother makes out as if I am to follow her, but my Auntie stops me, saying I don't have to do anything I don't want to. And no I didn't want to say goodbye or greet people I didn't even know. So I stood in the lobby with my Auntie. After 10 minutes, mother comes in and says that we're welcome to come back for drinks, and food. At this point I wanted to die, so I declined. Then she brought up how she would like to see me before she goes on Wednesday, which is impossible as I have work/flicka/college. Then she says that shes thinking of moving back to the UK. My thought then was "Its alright, I'll be in Derby most of the time" Couldn't wait to get out of there.
 Got given Mrs Terrill's horse and carriage, which I'm quite fond of, and Mrs Terrill's father's certificate of horticulture which again is quite interesting.
Said an awkward goodbye to my mother, got in the car and left. Horrible.
So glad my Auntie was there. The whole time I just wanted to leave.

On a good note though, got home and found a quad bike in the yard. Its owned by a friend of my dads. I was like ooooooo. But yeah, right now I'm drinking a cup of tea, and trying to forget about it all :/