Last ever blog post

I started writing this blog mainly because I was unhappy. But as the years have gone on I've written in it less and less and I have realised that this is because there is no need to any more. I'm happy.

University has made me happy. I've got a fantastic group of friends that I always wanted, a prick of a boyfriend who's not only my boyfriend but one of my best friends. I've finally found the people that I know I will be friends with for the rest of my life. The degree is hard, Uni is hard, and I'm incredibly skint but I'm content. My friends at home are brilliant, I miss them so much when I'm gone but they're always there for me.
I'm not sure what my plans will be after uni, I am a little scared. Might go travelling with Jordan, do some work in Africa or do a Masters in Birmingham but at the end of the day I have my friends to support me.

Yes my family are a bit shit but I'm away so often it does not effect me to the point that it did before.

So yeah, I think this will be the last post I write in this blog. I think I will start up a new blog if I go travelling or if I get a good conservation job. But other than that I think this is the end of my blogging habits.
Thanks to those who read my whiny shit that I wrote about! I didn't realise how depressive I was and I apologise!

Bye :)

what I want in 2014

The one thing I want to change in 2014 is my father. I know ive said time and time again about how much of a selfish drunk he is but its getting worse to the point where he's a thug and im scared of being in the same room as him. He discusts me, and I now know I no longer love him like I did. My own father! All I ever do is hate him for the distress he causes me and my family. If he truely loved me he would stop or at least try for me, his daughter. But no. He'd rather slowly kill himself than spend time with me. It hurts me more than words can express because it makes me realise that not only did my mother abandon me but now my father. Am I so awful a person that I don't deserve the simple unconditional love and care of parents? People that have both or one parent have no idea how lucky they are.

I dunno. I just hope maybe one day he might realise how much I need him, how much my grandparents and my auntie need him to sort his life out.

Not exactly a cheerful subject but yeah sorry.

Have a happy new year everyone!

such a mess

I almost destroyed one of my closest friendships with my own drunken stupidity.  I know we're fine now but I can tell things are not going to be the same. Once you've done something like that or seen someone acting in that way then its difficult to take all of it back. All I want is things to  be normal.  I was fretting all week and stressing myself out about it mainly because I didnt have David to talk to. He was away all week and it made me realise how weird it would be if he did go away to America next year and how much id miss him. He'd probably hate me saying this but he is literally the little brother I never had. Plus he's always somehow there for me.
But yeah thats basically it. Missing home alot. Vicky ws crying on the phone to me and I just wanted to be home to give her a hug. Amelia's got her operation at the end ish of this month and I wish I could be there for her but I cant :(
I'll be home soon though and looking forward to it for once!

Today is the anniversary of Ambroses death. Not a day goes passed when I dont think of him. How much it hurts that he is no longer in my life.
I will miss and love him forever.
RIP xxx

3rd August

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day Tanisha Jane left us.
She will be forever missed and forever in our thoughts.
RIP.

Music I'm loving at the moment

Summer 2013

This summer has been fantastic. Ive been trying to get some money via working but it doesn't always end up being saved because I keep going to the gym and swimming every week. I've lost 9 pounds overall and I am now fluctuating between 9 stone and 9 pounds and 10 stone and 1 pound :) I'm pretty happy with that. I love exercise :D Paradise park was brilliant, working with such amazing exotic, rare animals was a privilege but I do not want to be a zoo keeper of any kind due to the bad pay and the fact I think animals can be conserved better in the wild. However, I learned loads about how a zoo works and the variety of foods that birds need. Doing that work experience also meant I got to spend loads of time with Mia and Creedy. Mia and I, I feel have gotten much closer and that is one of the main reasons why I have loved this summer so much. Going to carboots, and just hanging out with her is so much fun :)
Being able to see Amelia, Vicky, Jordan and John has been sooo good, I've missed them so much. Despite the fact that I fell out with John the other night over him being off his head but other than that :)
Hope on the other hand I've only been able to see her twice over the four months. I'm a little gutted and I do understand, shes going through a lot helping and looking after her gran, in a drama group and seeing Buzby. But I dunno, I feel like despite us knowing each other for years, despite the fact we have been best friends for now seventeen years we are no longer close. Its taken me a while to admit it and accept it but to be honest I'm glad we've just stayed friends this long. Its always nice to have someone you can talk to that you have always been friends with throughout your life. Best friends however, I don't think we are, Matt's taken my place in that area and to be honest I'm glad. There is too much unsaid between us, too much that she doesn't know about me and me her. So I'm just satisfied that we can turn around and say we've been friends for seventeen years because not many people can say that.
This summers been pretty good, and I was also asked out on a date by a random guy who came into the shop. So tonight I'm meeting up with him for a drink. I doubt it will go anywhere due to the fact that I'm going back to uni in four weeks but who knows.
Also I'm hopefully going Bestival with Mia and Creedy in September!!
Missing my Uni friends loads! Cant wait to properly unpack my stuff in our new house, and also make our garden look amazing!!

So yeah, four weeks left of summer, and they should be as good as the rest :)