More Story Stuff

Memories.

2006

Hot sweaty class room, full of small, scared children. I feel lonely, the three girls that I want to befriend pushed me aside. To my left, in the middle of the sweltering hot lesson, sits a young boy, brown hair short, deep blue irises, figeting. The shape of his eyes are slightly slanted as though oriental . Skin dark brown as if plucked from the middle of an abrab or african country. He acts as if he belongs where the sun beats unquechingly. He pulls faces, acts odd but free.  I admire his ability to not care what other people think of him.

2008

He tells everyone he loves me. I dont know what love is. Neither does he.

2009-10

He's angry strikes out in his pain. Looses his temper.

Walking down a path, his arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist. Hes taller than me now. Throughout that year he hurts me more than once. I dont care.

Hes kissing a girl we all dislike. I hate him more than her.

2010

 He is sitting across from me. We argue, and say spiteful things to eachother. Our friendship is in tatters. Im hurting. O notices this and voices what I cannot. I push him further away as O and I become closer.

2011

Another arguement. I dont want to fall out. But it happens. I try to be nice and civil towards him. Thinking our friendship will never be the same again. Another person distracts me from trying to repare our friendship.

Silence.

Then journeys.

Where he is open. Open to me like he could never do before. Seeing him becomes the highlight of my week.

He tells me about him and another girl. My emotions pivot, move, dwindle then fall.

Then I dont care about it anymore.

I find someone perfect in so many ways, yet I want flawed.

Everything I want is with him, with that man, that boy with the slanted blue eyes, who acts as though its him against the world.

Yet I wonder if Im lying to myself?

What happens if I cant love?  And I am deluding myself?