Tuesday 3 April 2012

Thanks a lot




Thanks Dad for reducing me to tears at work today in front of everyone.
As normal he was drunk. What a caring and amazing father he is. I don't think I can take any more of this bull shit, I swear if he carries on acting like a twat, I will either tell him that if he doesn't stop I'll disown him or move out. I just cant handle it anymore. I don't ever cry over stuff he does but today I did, he made me feel so small and just so pathetic, like I meant nothing to him that I just could take it.

I realised then that I couldn't actually remember the last time I told him I loved him or the last time I had given him a hug. Quite a few years I think. No wonder I find it difficult to love anyone.

I don't love my family the way I should: I love auntie Beth yes, I love my Pampa,  I love my dad because I have to not by my actual choice, I feel nothing for my mother and I have no affection what so ever for my gran.
I realise that this family is so messed up, and I don't want to be apart of this anymore.

Is this selfish?

Am I horrible?

Probably.

I don't really care anymore.




Posted by at

1 comment:

  1. A Wandering Pom5 April 2012 at 11:47

    Hi there, TG

    I hope you don't mind me commenting here out of the blue: I saw the link on Josh's blog and decided to follow it.

    To answer your questions: you're not horrible, and it's not selfish to want to get out of an unbearable family situation.

    I don't think you should feel bad about not loving members of your family. If you look at the Ten Commandments, for example, the relevant one says that you should honour your mother and father, not that you should love them. So even 2,500 years ago, people recognised that sometimes children are not able to love their parents.

    I don't know what your home and work situation is, but it sounds to me as if putting some more distance between you and your father would be a good idea.

    Another thought: someone once said that friends are the family that you choose. I think you have some good friends; I hope that you can all support each other.

    Take care

    Mark

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)