Ambrose

I cant quite believe that I am even typing this, it feels like a dream. Nothing seems quite real. The realisation of it wont hit me in till I arrive back home. When I walk through that door. The pain that I will feel will be indescribable.

For now, it will come on in waves until I am numb.

 

She said two years not two months.

 

The worse part of it is that I wasn't even there with him. I wasn't there to make that decision, nor to stroke him, to kiss his head for the last time. To tell him I loved him. Nor will I be there to bury him. I want to bury him myself but that is now impossible.

 

It seems silly how much one animal can impact on your life. But he meant everything to me. He still does. He was the only thing that made living in that house bearable. He was there for me more than my family have ever been. And now he's gone.

He not once abandoned me. Yet I feel like being here, being at Uni, I somehow abandoned him.

I never once thought that would be the last time I would ever see him.

 

Yes, everyone will say it was for the best, he had a good life, no one could have loved him more.

But I was convinced that he was immortal that he would be alive whenever I had children, that he'd live to a ripe old age. Not die so young.

 

I wanted to see him so much. I only have three weeks left till I go back.

 

Ambrose was, from the moment I saw him as a kitten, the most beautiful animal I have ever seen. He always will be. There will never be an animal like him. From the way he used to follow me around when he was a kitten, to how he used to catch rabbit after rabbit, to how he used to eat everything including three quarters of a sponge cake. He was my baby. My boy.  He still is.

I don't actually know what to do with myself. My head hurts.

 

I want him to be alive so much.

I loved you so much Hams. RIP.