So stuff cropped up

feelings and stuff.
I didn't know what to say, he knew though. Of course he did. But as normal I'm a coward :/

I'm incredibly emotional at the moment. I think its a mixture of missing Hope, who has been always an integral part of my life for 16 years, but over the last few years she has not really needed me or not shown me that she does, I know that she does need someone..but it seems she never wants me. Which hurts. Allot. But I'm learning to accept that she has her own life to lead. I love her, shes my sister, my best friend, I have shared all of my life with her, but I suppose that now we are both taking paths so different to the other that none of it matters as much..but yeah. That, and shit has been happening/happened.

Pampa and Granny are discussing getting rid of the cattle soon, dads always drunk- its getting worse hes spending nearly every day down the pub. My mother I am expecting any day now to call when I want nothing to do with her. I cant work out my feelings for the above and I'm banned from my escape route = Hope, her family and her house through no fault of my own. I'm worried about my dad not getting round to filling out the forms for student finance...because hes drunk all the time... I just feel so trapped.

On the upside Amelia's getting a snake which is exiting!! I love spending time with her :) Also I love college, I am so grateful to have Mia, John, Arran, James and Charlie as friends. I get excited over pieces of assignment work because I love the subjects so much and I love writing the essays... :P Plus Me and Mia have been getting closer as friends, I feel like I can tell her anything now..and Ive noticed that she confides in me more than I ever thought she would :) Ive been painting a lot recently which makes me happy, excited about Uni, I want to get another animal...but I'm not sure yet.. :/ But yeah. I did want to write a poem,..I had words lingering in my head...but I gave up and wrote this instead.

Oh well :/